Well, the day has finally come, the day that millions have been waiting for, whipped into a rabid and dangerous frenzy by the power of memetic Internet hype. Yes, it’s the day that Super Smash Bros. Brawl has been released in America, marking the day that Westerners everywhere can get their hands on Nintendo’s masterwork of fighting mash-up mayhem.
Well … not quite everywhere.
For some people, this day is going to be unbearable. It is a day of envy and misery, of watching, with jealous eyes, those in grander lands enjoying a sacred treasure that has been denied them until further notice. I am of course referring to those of trapped in the PAL territories who were too good/lazy to modify their Wiis and import a copy. Those who played by the rules and were rewarded for their loyalty to Nintendo by being made to wait for months on end with no promise of a release date forthcoming. These lost and tortured souls are doomed to spend this day wandering a barren and desolate Internet, as the world stops turning so that everyone in America can use Solid Snake to kick the crap out of Sonic the Hedgehog.
But fear not, my afflicted plebians, for all is not lost. You needn’t be destroyed by this most nightmarish of Sabbaths, because we have the light that shall illuminate your dark path. If you’ve been spending the past week wading through all the hype and wondering how you’re going to live through the inevitable splooge-fests, then look no further than here! This is the ultimate survival guide to Super Smash Bros. Sunday. Take my hand and read on, dear friends. Together, we will make it through this.
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