Hello, and welcome to the first (and probably last) ever Super Smash Bros. Fanboy Awards: The Bessies. We’ll be handing out just five awards tonight, not much to go around considering the the millions of Smash Bros. fanboys out there currently plugging up this wonderful series of tubes we like to call the internet. To receive a Bathing Suit Samus award, or a "Bessie", as we like to call it, is to achieve the pinnacle of fanboy-dom. If you are even in the running for a Bessie, that means you have climbed to the top of the Smash Bros. fanboy ladder, deemed truly excellent by a panel of highly discriminating, knowledgeable, and talented Smash Bros. fanboys (meaning me). To win means you are unquestionably a star.
One warning, though: this awards show is a very new affair, and as such the production’s budget is not quite what we’d like it to be. Hard hats will be provided to you at your seat. Don them for protection from any falling Super Smash Bros. Brawl spoilers that may randomly drop from the show’s scaffolding and crush your head.
With that disclaimer out of the way, the show has officially begun! Hit the jump and marvel at the most splendorous spectacle of Smash Bros. fandom on the planet. And no, I didn’t win a Bessie this year, but just for putting on this "show", I probably deserve one.
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