Archive for April, 2008

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Hitting you with all the force of a frilly pillow being swung by a little girl on Valium news now, with the shocking revelation that Take-Two shares are rising amidst glowing and gushing reviews of new best game ever, Grand Theft Auto IV. The game’s critical reception will provide “some leverage” for the publisher, which is still being targeted for acquisition by rival EA. “We would not be surprised if the deal ultimately gets done a couple of bucks higher,” Arvind Bhatia, director of research at Sterne Agee, told Reuters.

Janco Partners analyst, Mike Hickey, suggested that EA shouldn’t afraid to boost its standing $26-per-share offer. “EA should just pay up and just get this deal done and quit being so cheap about it,” he said. “You’ve made a $2 billion bid … and you’re worried about three or four dollars per share.”

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“Hello, you’ve reached the Namco Bandai slash Bandai Namco offices. How can I help you?”

“Hi, we’d like to speak to the Soul Calibur IV designer, please.”

“Is this Joystiq? Again?”

“No. Yes. Sorry.”

“I told you to stop phoning. We are never, never, ever going to put Snuffleupagus into the game.”

“Not even as DLC?”

“Sir, do you have a legitimate request for him? He’s quite busy with intensive mammary modeling.”

“Just one: Tell him it would rock if he would introduce Yoshi to Sue in the game.”

“Alright, by ‘legitimate,’ I meant something that would actually make sense.”

“TALIM it would ROCK if he could have YOSHI MEET SUE. In Soul Calibur IV.”

“Who are Yoshi and Sue?”

“No no, Yoshimitsu. It’s sort of a pun, you see. There’s also –”

“Let me stop you there, sir. Was there something, perhaps an unexplained supernatural force or the imminent threat of death, that prevented you from asking the question like a normal human being?”

“Oh, come on! Humor is Taki that opens the door to a healthy relationship. Yoda last one I should have to explain this to and … what was that clicking sound? Hello? Are you still there?”

[Via PS3 Fanboy]

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SPONSORED BY: Age of Empires III - Real-Time Strategy Game Control a European power on a quest to colonize and conquer the New World. AOE3 introduces new gameplay elements, as well as new civilizations, units, and technologies. http://www.ageofempires3.com/

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Whether it’s due to a certain game release or not, there will not be a new Xbox Live arcade addition this week. Major Nelson broke the news on his Twitter page and said he believes “people will be busy with another game this week.”

Given the amount of money Microsoft spent in certain territories to get people to buy GTA IV, it kind of makes sense that it wouldn’t want any distractions. XBLA should be back to its regularly scheduled release plan by next week.

[Via X3F]

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SPONSORED BY: Age of Empires III - Real-Time Strategy Game Control a European power on a quest to colonize and conquer the New World. AOE3 introduces new gameplay elements, as well as new civilizations, units, and technologies. http://www.ageofempires3.com/

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As we were just reminded by a robotic cell phone call from GameStop (what a treat!) Grand Theft Auto IV is finally entering into hearts and homes at midnight. We were just curious how you were planning on spending the evening. Are you doing the midnight thing? Picking it up tomorrow? Avoiding it all together?

Oh, us? Well, like most other professional video game reviewers, we’ll be spending the night in our personal hydrofoil, enjoying Sri Lankan palm wine and secret preview copies of Grand Theft Auto V and Halo 4: The Precursor Legacy Prologue. But we like to be reminded of how the other half lives. We’re also curious:

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SPONSORED BY: Age of Empires III - Real-Time Strategy Game Control a European power on a quest to colonize and conquer the New World. AOE3 introduces new gameplay elements, as well as new civilizations, units, and technologies. http://www.ageofempires3.com/

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Considering Valve released Portal as a separate title on its Steam digital distribution service, gamers might have been confused as to why the developer didn’t pursue a similar avenue with the game on Xbox 360, via the Xbox Live Arcade service. As it turns out, it did, but the title was rejected due to size limitations and other unnamed reasons.

GamesIndustry.biz reports that during Portal’s development, Valve did approach Microsoft to make the title available through XBLA, but several factors made the title an undesirable candidate for the service. Still, marketing director Doug Lombardi does state that the company is always happy to renegotiate. Maybe we’ll see Portal on XBLA one day, after all.

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SPONSORED BY: Age of Empires III - Real-Time Strategy Game Control a European power on a quest to colonize and conquer the New World. AOE3 introduces new gameplay elements, as well as new civilizations, units, and technologies. http://www.ageofempires3.com/

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Ubisoft announced today that the next installment in the Prince of Persia franchise will release by holiday ‘08. The game, at this time simply called Prince of Persia (not Prince of Persia Prodigy), is being developed by Ubisoft Montreal (Assassin’s Creed and the PoP: Sands of Time trilogy) and will launch on Xbox 360, PS3 and PC.

According to the publisher, this new Prince of Persia “is opening a new chapter in the Prince of Persia universe” and will feature a new breed of gameplay “poised to rejuvenate the action-adventure genre.” The company also states the game will introduce an “illustrative art style.” The DS isn’t left out in all this, as it’ll receive a game — albeit one with a different storyline and new characters. With a holiday release confirmed, we’ll be sure to get some hands-on time with the game at E3.

[Via GameDaily]

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SPONSORED BY: Age of Empires III - Real-Time Strategy Game Control a European power on a quest to colonize and conquer the New World. AOE3 introduces new gameplay elements, as well as new civilizations, units, and technologies. http://www.ageofempires3.com/

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We’re not positive (yet), but the more material we see from 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, the more sure we are that it’s going to be the best game ever made. Barring that, it’s almost sure to be the best one featuring the theft — and subsequent retrieval — of a diamond-encrusted skull by a hardcore rapper (except, of course, for Kid Chameleon).

Things we love: When Fiddy takes a shotgun blast to the chest without flinching; when Fiddy casts his assault rifle aside to kick a guy in the junk and when Fiddy is assaulted by not just a white guy, but (for the benefit of those of you who are not so much with the symbolism) the whitest guy on the face of the Earth. We’re betting that guy’s name is White E. Theman, but that’s just a guess.

Best. Game. Ever.

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SPONSORED BY: Age of Empires III - Real-Time Strategy Game Control a European power on a quest to colonize and conquer the New World. AOE3 introduces new gameplay elements, as well as new civilizations, units, and technologies. http://www.ageofempires3.com/

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The United States Postal Service delivered a mysterious package to my door today, return address Forest Hill, London (with postage on the package stating it was sent from New York City). Concerned for my safety (everyone’s a terrorist these days), I carefully opened the package to find the following:

A one-kilo brick of Nazi gold (heavy, but a replica), two stickers, and a letter in German.

Putting two and two together, this is obviously some sort of tie in with Replay Studios’ stealth action title, Velvet Assassin. Last month, the devs accidentally slipped some info to me about a real life tie-in where gamers could find bars of Nazi gold outside of the game. Perhaps this is only the beginning? 

Unfortunately, I don’t read or speak a lick of German, so we need your help. In the gallery is a scan of the letter, which may offer some mores clues as to a) where we can find more Nazi gold or b) whether or not Ashley Simpson is or is not actually pregnant with that dude from Fall Out Boy’s child. Some parts of the letter have been redacted, making this even more mysterious than the usual packages of gold bars we receive, so we appreciate your help in this matter.

Don’t let us down, Destructoid community — we’re counting on you to come through!

[Update: Thanks to everyone who translated the article. It looks like a related ARG blog for Velvet Assassin has cropped up, and already has a few entries. It’ll be interesting to see where this is going. Wherever it is headed, I’m glad it involves me getting gold in the mail.] 


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Dr. Neo Cortex is at it again with his evil plans and world domination schemes. The only hero that can stop him is the O.G. Sony mascot, Crash Bandicoot.

Crash: Mind Over Mutant is the fifteenth installment in the long-running series and the latest game is set to expand on the elements introduced in the last game. So how’s the latest Crash game looking? Just hit the jump for my impressions of the game to find out.


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Oh boy, another game that’s based on a movie. Wait! What’s this?! The Bourne Conspiracy looks good and *GASP*, fun?! 

I left very impressed with all that The Bourne Conspiracy has to offer. The game has a very unique and cinematic feel to it that really helps set it apart from all the other running and gunning games out there. Before you hit the jump for my full impressions of The Bourne Conspiracy, be sure to watch the above trailer. It’ll give you a better sense of what I’m talking about as you read on.


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